My Drug Abuse

This morning at the communal water cauldron, a holier-than-thou co-worker went off about how South American third-world countries are corrupting American society. According to him, these countries have purposely introduced a plethora of drugs into the good old U. S. of A. These drugs have pushed our society into a death spiral to the point that we, too, will soon be a third-world country. He didn’t say it but he strongly implied that when we hit bottom it will be with the aid and direction of the pinko leftists.

I don’t like arguments so I kept my mouth shut. Besides, I have been using a South American exported drug for many years. Yes, this habit has cost me money and occasionally has clouded my judgment and affected my health. I guess I have always had a craving but the wise council of my parents kept me pretty clean. Once I graduated from college, moved to California, and had a steady income, I increased my intake.

I found a local source that was within walking distance of my office near the beach. My wife, who is also addicted, and I ultimately became close friends with our source. A good thing too - I remember late one Saturday night, after going out to an Italian dinner, we both desperately needed a fix but our cache was empty. In fact, our backup cache was empty so we panicked. We called our source who said she had some at her house and if we dropped by she would fix us up. We beat a path to her door, took possession of a bag of the goods, and sat in the car and used it before even driving the few blocks back home. Yes, we were in a bad way.

We have tried on a number of occasions to stop cold turkey but to no avail. When we were raising our children, we worked at keeping the stuff out of the house. All kinds of youthful problems have been associated with this drug. We ultimately found that one of our daughters was a friend of our source’s son. He would sneak bags of the stuff to school in his back pack and share it with our daughter at lunch. Needless to say, we did not report this to the authorities; no telling where it would lead.

As we have gotten older our tastes have become more refined and, unfortunately, we are now addicted to the expensive, more highly concentrated stuff. Fortunately, our friend is still in business and supplies a high-end product in half-kilo bags. We keep it at home in the buffet next to the cooking sherry. My wife uses it in brownies, but, you know, after the first brownie you get the munchies and can’t stop eating.

In recent years there have been lots of articles written on its medicinal value. I am not sure of the veracity of that research. One wonders if it is just an excuse to justify the bad habits and addictions of the authors. If all of the articles are true, then I will live a long time and prosper. My blood pressure will be lower, my cholesterol will be lower, my hormones will be better balanced, and my body will be protected from aging. I certainly know that my wife is a lot happier when the stuff is available.

If America does fall as a result of this drug we cannot blame the source but should look to one of our Founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson, an early addict, who said:

"The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain."

And don’t get me started on coffee.