Hiram had been a three-toed dragon, well on his way to a promotion to Imperial five-toed dragon, when he accidentally choked on the pink chiffon scarf of Princess Chloe's hat, and his coughing set the new oaken parapet, on the old stone bulwark, ablaze, thereby earning a demotion to Troll 3 – now his only responsibility was to keep Billy goats off the bridge.
Runner-up in the Fantasy Fiction category of the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
Dimitri was ready with bells on – he was actually wearing tweed, but his personality was bright, shiny, and tinkly as if it was laden with bells; not the standard cow bell variety, those are low and dull, but more like the Russian troika sort that kids everywhere relate to the coming of St. Nick – for tonight he would put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.
The Jones family held their annual family reunion on Easter going through over six dozen spiral-cut, hickory-smoked hams and several bottles of a fine Australian shiraz, before Farmer Jones, the head of the family, took the leavings back to Manor Farm to slop Napoleon and his other champion hogs, but the seventy-six ham bones fed the pig's tirade.
Runner-up in the Vile Puns Category of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
I also won honorable mention in the Worst First Sentence Contest at the 2007 Santa Barbara Writer’s Conference. That honorable sentence was:
Dimitri was ready with bells on – he was actually wearing tweed, but his personality was bright, shiny, and tinkly as if it was laden with bells; not the standard cow bell variety, those are low and dull, but more like the Russian troika sort that kids everywhere relate to the coming of St. Nick – for tonight he would put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.
The art is by George Almond.
